7 Conversations to Have with Your Parent Once They've Been Diagnosed with Alzheimer's
Alzheimer's is always a scary diagnosis, and it is very easy for everyone involved to panic. However, if you have a parent who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, it is important to have certain conversations with them before the disease progresses too far. Some arrangements need to be made while they are still able to make binding decisions and sign contracts.
Here are some key conversations you should have:
Advance Directives
You need to talk about advance directives. Ideally, everyone should have an advanced directive, especially after the age of 65. Many, however, do not. Make sure they choose an appropriate surrogate, and do not be offended if they choose one of your siblings over you. It is helpful to put a time limit on the conversation, otherwise it can go on for hours. Having a clear idea of whether your parent wants, for example, to be put on life support or when they want to put a DNR in place can be helpful even if dementia is not in the picture.
Clinical trials
It's worth having a conversation about whether your parent is interested in participating in clinical trials while their mind is still clear. Research is being done into therapies for Alzheimer's all the time, and new treatments can extend life and improve its quality. However, not everyone with Alzheimer's can give the proper level of informed consent without help.
Will
Have they written a will? If not, you should make sure they do so while still clear-headed, especially if there is extensive property involved. A will that was written a long time ago may no longer be relevant.
Power of Attorney
Get a power of attorney. This includes the ability to access your parents' bank accounts so that money can be withdrawn for their care as well as to make health decisions for them. A durable power of attorney for health care should include at least one backup, in case the primary person becomes incapacitated. For finances, it includes making financial decisions and can avoid courts taking over final decisions. In some cases, a living trust may be the best way to handle finances.
Type of Care
What kind of care do they want? Do they want to stay at home as long as possible? Do they want to start the process of picking out a care home now while they still can, or move into a facility designed to allow them to age in place? Many senior communities have different levels of care, and your loved one may be able to start out in assisted living and then move to memory care when needed. If your parent is already in a community, do they have the ability to do this? Also make sure they are comfortable with any caregivers, whether in the family or hired from outside.
Other Arrangements
What are their preferences for funeral arrangements? As morbid as the subject is, it is often better to plan the funeral while your family member is still coherent. It can also make things a lot less stressful for the family if you already know. In some cases, you may even be able to prepay for some or all funeral arrangements and not have to worry about that money being eaten up by care costs.
Bucket List
Are there things they want to do while still reasonably healthy? Early diagnosis means early treatment, and some people can stay reasonably functional for years after being diagnosed with Alzheimer's. This means there may well be time to check some key items off of their bucket list, take the grandkids on vacation, etc. Talking about these kinds of plans can lighten the mood and remind people that while there is still no cure for Alzheimer's, new treatments allow quality of life to continue for some time.
Alzheimer's is a scary diagnosis, not just for the patient but for their family. A bit of advanced planning can help reduce everyone's stress and give your parent more say in their ongoing care. Having these kinds of conversations right away while they can still participate can help you know that you are doing the right thing by them, even if they cannot always tell you that you are.
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